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Blog-itis
7/8/2016 12:00:01 AM by: Susan Lyttek

I’ve been suffering from blog-itis since that panic moment in February. I find myself not wanting to upload a post, even if I already have it written. (Point of fact, this particular post has been written for over three weeks. Not typed in, mind you, but written.) For some reason, I feel reluctant to cast my words on the waters of the Internet.

Some of the frustration and inhibition comes from the sheer endlessness of it. I upload one blog post and another one is soon due. It reminds me of laundry or loading the dishwasher. As soon as one task is done, the words start piling up for the next round. And like laundry, you can’t just pile them in a heap, you have to sort them, clean them and then put them where they belong before the job is considered done.

Ugh.

It’s almost enough to make the writing no longer fun.

And when you add in that real life has more than enough challenges and emotions (like how do I feel about my youngest turning 18?), it may make sense that I’ve been more than a bit erratic.

So what have I been doing instead while avoiding posting?

Cleaning. Decluttering. Getting rid of bags and bags of flotsam that has accumulated in the house.

I avoid cleaning words to clean my environment instead. Yes, to an extent. I’ve still been building my Hortense world and adding to her story, plus I started playing with some stories I began earlier that I have unearthed in the cleaning process.

Since my world and life feels cluttered, chaotic and claustrophobic, I’m taking drastic measures to pare down. Perhaps, when I finish the process, I’ll update about how clear my mind (and house) is. I’m only on stage two out of four, so it will still be a while.

Here’s a poem about moments in life that make the stuff that surrounds us feel painful.

The Cleanse

Grandpa died just before Christmas.

A highly inconvenient time

Not just because I didn’t want to lose him

But because the bounty of Christmas is at odds with the sparseness of grief and loss.

As soon as I could, I purged the gifts

Reduced

The world to clean, clear lines

Of emptiness.

I felt the same drive to streamline

When my eldest left the nest.

I took to the attic

Throwing or giving away

Whatever wasn’t tied to my soul.

Pictures by the hundreds scanned into the computer

Then tossed with abandon.

What is it about sorrow

That makes us desire less?

Why, when we feel empty, this compulsive urge

To match the environment about us

To the state of the spirit and the heart?

Once balance is restored

We can begin again in the new reality

The aftermath of change.

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